Courtney vs The World
by strayphoenix
Summary: Post TDA, Duncan's reality TV fame has re-sparked the interest of several of his ex-girlfriends. So Courtney takes it upon herself to set the record straight, by ANY means necessary. NO ONE messes with HER bad boy. Starring other TDA castmates
1. Overdramatic

_SUMM: Post TDA, Duncan's reality TV fame has re-sparked the interest of several of his ex-girlfriends. Now Courtney takes it upon herself to set the record straight, by _any_ means necessary. NO ONE messes with HER bad boy.__ Starring other TDA cast._

Author's Note: _X-Men, WITCH, Twilight, Harry Potter_, AND _Total Drama Island/Action_ fanfictions? What can I say? I'm well-rounded awesomeness :)

Disclaimer: And I can _still_ watch this show and proudly claim that I'm not addicted to reality TV!

…Right?

* * *

**_Chapter 1: Overdramatic_**

"Geez, Court, _relax _a little," Duncan advised with a smirk, grabbing her wrists and forcing them back down by her sides.

Courtney squirmed out of his grip. "I _am _relaxed, _Dunk,_" she shot back, fixing her skirt and blouse again as they waited for the elevator to rise. Suddenly, she tensed from head to foot, clasping a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God! What if they don't _like _me?!"

Her boyfriend rolled his eyes. "You're my _complete_ and _total_ opposite. They're going to _adore _you. Hell, they might even throw themselves at your _feet_ and _worship _you"

"Oh, this was a _horrible_ idea," she continued, stamping her foot and fixing something else again.

As Duncan stared up at the dial and the elevator reached his floor, he muttered, "I couldn't agree with you more on _that _one, Princess"

* * *

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Duncan's parents," Courtney greeted with a shy wave, "I'm—"

"Courtney, dear!" Duncan's mother came forth and embraced her enthusiastically, to both Courtney and Duncan's surprise. "It's so wonderful to finally _meet_ you after all this time! Come in! Come in!"

Duncan lightly elbowed his girlfriend. "Told'ja they'd love you," he whispered as they stepped inside.

Courtney had a glare and smart comment ready but Duncan's mother cut her off, leading them into the dining room. "Oh, I was just thrilled watching you both throughout the seasons! I kept wishing and hoping that I'd finally get to meet the young lady that was going to set my son straight!"

Even though Courtney giggled at the irony of the comment (_Basic Straining_, anyone?), Duncan rolled his eyes, trying to not blush as red as his Converse. "Mom," he warned, "I thought the deal was if I brought her over, you weren't going to do anything _motherly, ridiculous, _or overall in any way _humiliating_"

"No," his dad corrected sternly as sat at the large dinner table already seating Duncan's older twin brothers, "the _deal_ was that you'd let your mother have her evening to meet your reality TV girlfriend and we wouldn't _completely_ remove you from the family will"

"Suck, dad," one of the brothers commented. "Yeah, more money for us," the second one agreed.

Duncan groaned and indicated to Courtney the three men around the table, "Courtney, this is my balding father, my idiot brother Kevin, and his equally useless counterpart, Joseph"

He smirked as his father started, standing up from his seat, "Now _see_ here—"

But Duncan's mom intervened just as Courtney was sure all hell was going to break loose. "_Duncan_, sweetheart," she said sweetly, pushing him gently towards his seat, "we're going to _behave_ ourselves at the table this evening for the first time in our _lives, _okay?_"_

Duncan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow mischievously, "Really? How'd you figure?"

"Because," she responded, her eyes narrowing, "if you _want_ humiliating, I can always bring out the _baby pictures"_

Paling, Duncan dropped his arms and hissed, "You _wouldn't_"

"Don't think for a _second _that I won't," his mother replied in a sing-song voice as she headed towards the kitchen.

Without diverting his glare from his mother's retreating figure, Duncan grudgingly scraped out Courtney's seat next to him for her to sit down first.

"Why, _Duncan,"_ she teased as she sat down gracefully with the flourish of a cotillion graduate, "I didn't know there were _baby pictures_! I would have brought—"

"_Shut up_," he muttered as he slumped down in his own chair.

"So, Courtney," Duncan's father began as his mother was fetching the food, "now that you're off that _dreadful_ show, what are you planning on doing?"

Duncan slapped a hand over his eyes and moaned, "_Oh _you _had_ to _ask_". Courtney kicked him under the table.

"_Well_," she began, "I'm going to be heading back to my old school and finishing up my class president campaign, which, after _winning, _will probably be enough, along with the show, to set me on a path towards law school. After which, I plan on running for office in the province. With enough luck, courage, and under handing, I hope to eventually getting a seat on Parliament"

Noting that Duncan and his two brothers were either fake sleeping or texting and hadn't heard a word she'd said, she smiled slyly and decided to add, "But if _that _doesn't work, I'm going to ditch school altogether and use my college savings to bail Duncan out of whichever jail he's going to eventually get himself thrown into so we can elope to the States, start a bank heist operation, and have illegitimate delinquent children together. And a dog"

_That _got the attention of everyone in the room, including Duncan whose unibrow shot up into his hairline. She flushed, realizing _slightly_ too late that it was the inopportune moment for a joke and that she'd just said that in front of his _father._ After all, she was still getting the hang of the whole 'being bad' thing.

She was about to say something, _anything,_ to break the sudden tension when Kevin looked to Duncan with a smile and pointed to Courtney decidedly, "I _like_ her"

"Thanks, Kay" Duncan replied, tearing his gaze off Courtney and returning to his casual composure, "I think I'll _keep_ her," he added, sending Courtney a wink. She went to kick him again but he'd moved his leg.

"Good call. She's _hot_," Joseph seconded.

"But in a nerdy, goody-two-shoes kind of way," amended Kevin.

Joseph gave Duncan a double thumbs up as his mother returned to the dining room, "Not your _usual_, but _nice_"

Courtney scowled at the two brothers and Duncan bumped fists with them, first with Kevin, then with Joseph. "I'm right _here, _you know_"_

"So I don't have to relay to you all the compliments," Duncan replied, shrugging as his mother put a meat loaf in front of him.

"I _will _ask to see the pictures," she threatened under her voice.

"Whatever," Duncan mumbled, shoving his mouth full of meat loaf.

Joseph made a whipping sound effect and Courtney was _barely _fast enough to stop Duncan from chucking his fork at his brother's head.

* * *

"I must say," his mother flitted as dinner and dinner conversation was almost finished, "that you're _by far _to loveliest and all around most wonderful girl that Duncan has ever brought home to us!"

"Mom, I've _never_ brought a girl home for fear of _this very thing_ happening," he corrected her, rolling his eyes and taking another bite of his cheesecake. Somewhere inside her, Courtney felt someone strap a jet rocket booster onto her heart.

"_Voluntarily_," Joseph corrected from his dessert, winking at his twin.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Duncan asked, stopping mid-chew and glaring at his brother.

Joseph indicated to Kevin, "Will _you_ do the honors?"

Smirking, Kevin reached under the table and pulled out five separate stacks of printed out e-mails, each roughly a foot high. Courtney nearly choked on her cheesecake.

"What in heaven's name are _those?_" their father asked, getting up to inspect the piles.

"Oh, these have been coming in since Duncan first started on the show," Joseph replied casually. "Our baby brother's fame over the past year has seemed to have caught the attention of several ex-suitors and a few new _lady_ fans"

Courtney glared at Duncan vehemently as he started flipping through the impressive stacks of print outs. "'_Several _ex-suitors_'?" _she repeated menacingly.

Duncan shrugged, "It's no secret I have a way with the ladies, honey. Not that it should—holy shit!" He sped flipped through a portion of a pile and plucked out a printout in surprise. "All of these were from _Chelsea_? Man, I haven't seen that babe since the _first _time I went to juvie back in—"

He stopped short at the snarling sounds that seemed to be coming from Courtney's corner of the table.

"Not that it matters," he amended, trying to sound nonchalant as he placed the printout back down on the pile gently.

"Who do these girls think they _are _anyway?" Courtney spat, grabbing a large chunk off of the closest pile. They were all from a 'Leona Janessa, with Ex's and _Oh's_'

"Just fan girls, Princess," Duncan told her, resuming his cheesecake but smiling smugly at the piles of paper. A thought came to him and he turned to glare at his brothers, "Wait a second…how'd _you_ get a hold of these if they were sent to _my _e-mail?"

"Hacker," Kevin said, pointing to himself and then to Joseph.

"Gotta upgrade your security, man," Joseph added, going for more cake. "Like, who _doesn't _know that your password's still 'Petey'?"

"It _is_?" his mother asked, her eyes welling up with tears, "oh, _Duncan…_"

"_Mom_, could you do that _later_? Like in _therapy_, maybe?" he asked, shoving the closest pile of papers away from Courtney who was still reading a couple and scowling.

"Hey! I wasn't finished!" she protested. But Duncan shut her up by putting another cheesecake slice in front of her and nearly shoving a piece of it down her throat. As Courtney chewed and made strangling gestures at her smirking boyfriend, Duncan's father ordered the two older brothers to get the papers _out_ of the dining room before someone ate one by accident.

* * *

The remainder of the evening went without much further problems (and mercifully concluded without the dreaded baby pictures being shown), though Courtney still seemed to be fuming about the e-mails on the car trip home.

"I _told_ you to let it _go_," Duncan said at last, just before he stopped in front of her driveway.

"I _did_ let it _go_, you egomaniac," she shot back, snatching her purse and getting out of the car. "In fact, I don't even know what you're _talking_ about"

"_Riiiight_," he replied with a smirk. Courtney kicked his car tire.

"Just get _out_ of here before my dad sets the dogs loose on you again," she ordered through the open window, exasperated.

Duncan blew her a kiss as he put the car in drive. "Love you _too_, gorgeous"

She tried to stay mad and didn't respond, even though her heart did the whole rocket ship thing again as he pulled out and drove on. Only when she was sure he was gone did she smile.

* * *

Up in her room, she logged on immediately to Duncan's e-mail address, typed in 'Petey' for the password, and gaped at the number of e-mails. The e-mails ranged from the simplest 'I miss you's to a few e-mails so explicit that Courtney had to stop reading half-way for fear of throwing up.

Kevin and Joseph had only printed out _some._

"Okay, _that _is _it!!"_ she exclaimed when she reached the fourth marriage proposal. Yanking her drawer open with a slam, she pulled out a legal pad and titled it with a Sharpie _**Hit List**_. "_No one_ gets away for a _second_ with even _thinking_ that Duncan belongs to anyone but _me"_

She ran through the list of e-mails again and scrawled down the names, e-mail addresses, and pertinent information about the four most recurring writers: a clingy and unhealthily obsessive gamer girl who used to game with Duncan, a disillusioned blonde who apparently was 'fated' for Duncan in 'another plane of consciousness' (but has never actually _met_ him), the erotic novelist who dated him for all of the time they were in transport to their court hearings in Nova Scotia, and the infamous 'Chelsea Dagger' who offered hardly any information about herself or her past with Duncan other than to send a picture and say she was willing to wait however long it took for him to dump that '_ass-kissing brunette bitch'_ and realize he belonged with her.

Courtney stared at the list for a while as her common sense caught up with her. Maybe she was being a _little _overdramatic. Even with just the four stalkiest of the Duncan stalkers, she had her work cut out for her. Heck, if she were honest with herself, she didn't even know where to _begin_, let alone if she could pull it all _off_ by herself.

But then her competitive drive kicked her common sense in the ass.

She was _Courtney _and Duncan was _hers,_ damn it! Her relationship didn't survive two seasons of Chris McLean's special ring of Hell to be used as kitty litter for Duncan's _psychotic_ ex-girlfriends.

Courtney tapped her Sharpie against her lips. It was going to take more than simply being 'bad' this time.

It was going to take being _evil._

Suddenly, it clicked in her brain that she _did_ know someone who would be able to help her. With a resigned sigh, she swallowed her pride and picked up the phone.

* * *

A/N 2: So, _why_ CxD? The part about Courtney and Duncan's relationship that I find to be the most fun and exciting (other than the fact that it's _excellently_ written) is that it lives in that 'No Man's Land' between "I want to kill you!" and "I want to tear your clothes off!" They balance each other out _perfectly_, driving each other two different types of crazy (somewhere between "I'm going to throw myself in front of a truck" crazy and "I can't stop thinking about you no matter _what_ I do" crazy) which just sets them up for all sorts of awesome stories. I hope I captured that in this first part.

Because next chapter, the fur begins to _fly._

_PPS: _I love that Courtney's dad has set the dogs on Duncan. _Multiple_ times. And somehow, he just seems to keep showing up :P


	2. d3h8yhck ng428

* * *

Disclaimer: I only own Duncan's brothers and ex-girlfriends. I _wish_ I owned Duncan but then I'd have to worry about Courtney smothering me in my sleep. _Darn._

_**

* * *

**_

Chapter 2: d3+h8yhck!ng428

"So let me get this straight," Harold repeated over the phone, "_You're_ asking for _my _help? After everything you and your delinquent boyfriend did to me throughout the last year, you're _actually_ calling me and asking me for _help?_"

"_Yes_, Harold," Courtney replied with a groan, "I told you that _four_ times already"

Harold snorted, that annoying laugh that always had Courtney itching for the nearest lamppost to wrap around his neck. "You've got quite a sense of humor, you know. Oh _irony_ of _ironies_"

"_Look_," she spat, "I already agreed to a monetary compensation. What else do you _want_ from me?"

Courtney only realized her mistake the moment after she'd said it. There was a pause on the other end of the line. "_Well,_" Harold started, "since you _asked…_"

"_Get on with it, Harold_!" she shouted in frustration. "I'm on the clock over here!"

"Fine! Gosh!" he replied and she heard his bed squeak over the phone. "I want a three page written apology signed by you _and _Duncan as well as a giant fruit basket for my mother and one of your bras. Preferably black"

The CIT bit her lip. She wanted to keep Duncan out of her scheme as much as possible but the rest of the terms could have been a _lot_ worse. "I'll double the compensation money if Duncan doesn't have to sign and I'll throw in a basket of cheese and wine too"

After a moment's consideration, he asked, "How can you afford all this anyway?"

"I've had a bribery/blackmail fund set up since I was twelve," she responded, rolling her eyes. "Do we have a _deal_ or not?"

"How about Duncan signs _and_ I get the extra money and the cheese basket?"

"How about I don't _rip your spine out with my teeth the next time I lay eyes on you?!"_ Courtney shot back instinctively, losing her composure.

Fearing a deal-breaker, she was about to grudgingly apologize when Harold replied, "Yeah, sure. That'll work too. Just add that to the end of the apology letter"

"Deal," she replied, sighing in relief. There was only so much blackmail she could tolerate and she was beginning to reach her breaking point.

"So which of my many _mad_ _skills_ are you in need of?" Harold asked over the phone, making karate noises.

Courtney pulled a game box out of her purse and asked, "Are you familiar with a game called 'War of Worldcraft?'"

"Familiar?" Harold replied, excitement in his voice, "It's only the _best _MMORPG ever _made! _You're talking to the three time runner up Elfish Sword Fighter and six time medalist Quest Hunting Bowman and—"

"Great. Fantastic, Harold," she cut him off, "What I need you to do is teach me how to play it"

There was silence on the other end of the phone and Courtney feared she'd lost the connection. "Come again?"

Courtney clenched her teeth, an awful habit of hers. She _really _wanted to scream. "I need _you _to teach _me _how to play it so I can defeat a player called," she squinted at her hit list, "d-3--+-h-8-y-h--c-k-!-n -g-4-2-8 "

"Wait," Harold responded, and Courtney heard his keyboard clacking, "Oh! Are you trying to say 'death by hacking 428'?"

"_That's_ what that means?" she gasped, looking at the symbols again. She'd been trying to figure it out all night, "In what _language?"_

"It's in _l33t._ _Duh_," Harold told her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What's—" she stopped herself, "Never mind. Can you or can't you help me?"

"Do you already have the game?" he asked.

"Yeah, and I installed it already too," she replied, staring at the game's New Player screen and unwrapping her new head mike.

"Then let the training begin, young grasshopper," Harold responded, speaking in a Japanese accent. "Your journey will span hundreds of miles into unknown territories and thousands of bandwidths into the realm of the internet, a journey taking years of skill building and technique training and—"

"Can't you just give me the cheats?" Courtney interrupted, holding the phone with her shoulder to type.

Harold did his annoying snort laugh again. "I _could. _But it'll _cost_ you another black bra_…"_

"I only _have_ one black bra!" she huffed. And though she'd never admit it to Harold, she only wore it for her dates with Duncan.

There was a pause. "Got a pink one?"

* * *

Fourteen hours later…

"I told you to flank my _left, _Harold! My _left_!" Courtney shouted over her head mike as her elf/centaur/mage character, whom she'd named sP!n3r!PP3r832 (spine ripper 832) at Harold's insistence, slashed her way through an army of zombies.

"I was taking care of the _ogre zombie_ at your four o'clock! Gosh!" Harold replied over the headset, as his wizard/ninja character reappeared onscreen besides Courtney fighting with a wand and coded spells.

"Well hurry up and help me destroy these Necrogard zombies so we can get the Infinity Sword and I can finally give that 'death by hacking' girl a four hoofed _beatdown_," she shot back, switching weapons to her last full power freeze spell (a cheat that cost her _another _undergarment).

"Honey?" Courtney's mom called through the door, knocking lightly. "Is everything all right? What have you been _doing _in there?"

"Homework, mom!" Courtney called back without missing a beat, kicking over an approaching zombie with her hoof.

"Stand back, Harold," she warned, grinning evilly as she typed the command on her keyboard, "I'm gonna show these rock zombie wannabes that Hell _can_ freeze over!"

"Wait! Don't just—"

But Harold's warning came too late and Courtney's spell froze all of the zombies, Harold, and 90% of the landscape.

"_Yeah_! _Whoohoo_!" Courtney cheered, getting up from her computer for the first time in hours to do a victory dance, "take _that_ losers! I'm the _queen_ of Necrogard!!"

"Actually," Harold began, sounding a little worried, "if you manage to beat all the zombies within a certain time limit, you have to _battle _the actual queen of Necrogard"

Courtney plopped back down on her computer chair, panting and grinning. "Well her zombies were a piece of cake. How tough could she be?"

No sooner had Courtney said those words that all of the frozen landscape and characters, including Harold's wizard, melted into water and down from the mountain descended a gothic looking fairy character with a dragon tail and wings.

The character designation above her head read 'd3+h8yhck!ng428'

"_She's_ the _queen_ of Necrogard?!" Courtney gasped, staring at her opponents complicated and intimidating character design. Before Harold could respond, a message window popped up on her screen.

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: who dares threaten the queen of necrogard?!_

"I lost my character and have no idea what's going on in your area!" Harold informed her. "What's happening?"

"Death by Hacking _is_ the queen! She's _here_ and I don't know what to do!" Courtney replied, starting to panic. "I can't take her on _now!_"

"But you have only one chance to fight each world's king or queen in the whole game!" Harold explained.

Courtney's eyes darted from the message screen to the game box she'd thrown back on her bed and then to the scribbled hit list just beside her keyboard which she'd almost forgotten about. Then, firming her resolve, she typed back.

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: It is I, Spine Ripper. And I'm doing more than just_ threatening.

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: ur a foolish fledgling indeed. either give an offering of peace or die my hands in mortal combat_

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: The only 'peace' I offer is a piece of my mind! I'll take your mortal combat challenge. But if anyone's going down, it sure isn't going to be _me, _queenie!_

"Okay," Courtney narrated to Harold, "I just accepted her challenge. Now what?"

"Well, now you go to a stadium where other players in the kingdom can watch you battle her for the throne," he replied, keys clacking. "Let me just jump on my steed and head over there to check it out…"

"What do I get for winning?" she asked as the screen loaded the stadium fight.

"_You_ become Necrogard Queen, _duh_!" he replied. "But if you lose, you'll become a black sheep in the game and no one will trade with you, or fight with you, or assist you in quests, or—"

"I _got_ it Harold," she snapped, as the screen finished loading and the stadium showed up, crowded with digital spectators.

"Urgh, it's reality TV _all_ over again," Courtney muttered as she secretly crossed her fingers and began typing.

* * *

A straight half hour of fighting later, Courtney stood victorious over the supposed "Queen of Necrogard". She'd combined Harold's cloning and invisibility cheats to mimic _all_ fourteen of her opponents special abilities while holding out her invisibility long enough that her opponent wasted half of her ammunition before Courtney even _began._

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: i've been __**defeated**_

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: the realm of Necrogard is urs_

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: Not so fast, __**your **__**majesty**__. I have __**another**__ idea_

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: ?_

"Courtney, what are you _doing_?" Harold gasped over her headset. She ignored him.

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: I'm going to __**allow**__ you to stay on my throne, ruling Necrogard in my place until I deem it necessary_

"What?! Why would you—"

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: and what would u seek in return 4 this great act of mercy?_

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: How about this?_

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: Keep your __**sweaty**__, __**stinky**__, __**dirty**__ gamer paws away from __**my **__**Duncan**__!"_

There was a moment of silence in which the message was sent across cyberspace. Then…

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: **w**__**hat**__???_

"_WHAT_?!" Harold shouted, nearly blowing out Courtney's ears.

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: bitch u can't b __**serious**__!_

Courtney winced and pulled off one ear of her headset. Smirking but turning down the volume, she typed back a response.

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: Sweetie, the entire online world __**seriously **__just watched me __**kick**__ your 'royal' __**ass**__ in under an __**hour**_

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: Now, you can either go on ruling your sad little virtual world __**or**__ go on with your misguided __**delusions**__ about __**my**__ boyfriend. Take your __**pick**_

"Courtney! How _could_ you?!" Harold asked incredulously, "After all this time, _that's _what you were—!"

But Courtney was perfectly calm, checking her nails as she talked. "If she's as crazy about this game as _you_ are, she'll take the deal," she told him confidently.

"But—!"

"_Wait_ for it…"

Sure enough, in less than a full minute, Death by Hacking had written back.

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: fine. i __**accept**__ ur deal_

_d3+h8yhck!ng428: i hope u and that __**douche**__ enjoy ur condominium in **h**__**ell**_

_sP!n3r!PP3r832: We picked out the __**drapes**__ already. It was a __**pleasure**__ doing business with you_

Courtney hit the command to decline the royalty title and got ready to click off her headset. "I've really appreciated _all_ the help in this, Harold. I'll mail you the items we discussed if you promise to keep this whole incident to _yourself_ for the remainder of your life"

"Wait wait _wait_!" he interrupted quickly, "Let me get this straight: _You_ just spend the last _fourteen_ hours of your life playing a game you paid _money_ for just to show up a chick you've never met who was making a play for _Duncan_?!?!"

She paused to think about it. "Well, if you put it _that_ way," she confessed, "it sounds crazier and nerdier than it actually _was…_ "

He snorted. "_Nah_," Harold replied over the headset, sounding understanding, "love makes you do all _sorts _of crazy things"

The honestly of his response caught her off guard. "Yeah…" she admitted after a moment, "I guess it _does" _

Uncomfortable with the sudden increase of her heart rate, she went to end the conversation,_ "_Yeah_, _um_, _I got to go now but thanks again"

"Always here to _help_," he responded happily, "_especially_ for _bras!"_

Courtney groaned and clicked off her headset. Grabbing her list, she drew a line through d3a+h8yhck!ng428 and examined her remaining heads to bash. She grinned evilly.

"Now _this _one's going to be _fun"_

_

* * *

_

A/N:

Anyone read "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World"? Anyone? If you've been enjoying reading this as much as _I've_ been enjoying _writing _it and you haven't read Scott Pilgrim, you better pick it up before the movie comes out so you can tell all your friends, 'Hey, I read this _awesome _fanfic inspired by this _awesome_ book that's going to be turned into this _awesome_ movie that we should go watch!' And then you'll feel special like Harold :)

_**NEXT:  
**_"It's awesome to meet you, Ms. Janessa"

"Ms. Janessa is my mother. Please, call me Luisa!"

"I thought your name was '_Leona'_?"

"Oh my god! It _is? _Why didn't my agent _tell_ me?!"

"It's…like talking to _firewood…_"


	3. Leona Janessa

_**Chapter 3: Leona Janessa**_

Disclaimer: _C'mon_, Courtney. _You_ know Duncan totally makes you go weak in the knees, _he _knows it, _everyone_ knows it. Just _admit_ it so we can all start on the bachelorette party preparations.

* * *

Courtney's phone rang just as she was pulling her car onto the street scribbled on her legal pad. She fished for her phone in her purse with one hand as she searched for Leona Janessa's house number in the dark.

"Hello?"

"Missing me yet, beautiful?" Duncan asked suavely.

"Not at _all. _In fact, you haven't even _crossed_ my _mind,_" she replied smartly, squinting at the house addresses.

"Eh, I probably missed a _turn_ somewhere," he responded offhand.

She couldn't help but giggle. They could run with clichés _forever_.

"Hey, you doing anything tonight?" he continued.

"_Yeah_, actually," she lied smoothly. She'd been practicing just in case. "I've got a family dinner with my visiting aunt. Sorry"

"Am _I _invited?"

"If I _wanted _to start a _war_, I would've just dropped a _bomb_ on the Parliament building," she answered, peeved. "It would be less _messy"_

She could hear the resignation in Duncan's voice. "She speaks truth"

Finally, Courtney saw the house she wanted. It was a dead giveaway with all the cars parked up front and the music's bass blaring at full volume. It could be _felt_ even as far away as she was.

"Listen, I've got to get changed for dinner, okay? I'll see you tomorrow"

"Not _tonight_?" he teased suggestively.

"Not unless you're feeling plucky enough to get _shot," _was her not-so-innocent response.

Duncan was left to weigh his options as Courtney pulled up to the house and parked.

"_Yeah_," he conceded at last, "I'll _pass_"

Courtney sighed and rolled her eyes at his phrasing before she bid him goodbye. "Good _night_, Duncan"

"Sweet dreams, Princess"

She smiled dreamily. The words "always of you" were almost out of her mouth before she caught herself and quickly hung up the phone instead.

'_What's _wrong_ with you?'_ she mentally reprimanded herself, shaking the conversation out of her head and getting out of the car. Had her self-respect taken a _hike_? She had to stay _focused_ for the work ahead.

But try as she might, she couldn't _quite_ seem to solidify her insides again.

* * *

Courtney walked in the front door of the house and glanced around at the unfamiliar drunk, half naked teens dancing and whooping on top of various pieces of furniture and bit her lip. This was going to be a little harder than she _thought_.

"Oh my gosh! _Courtney_?" a familiar voice cried out from the crowd. The next thing Courtney knew, she was being enthusiastically embraced by _Lindsay_ of all people. "Courtney, is that _really _you_? _I haven't seen you since that cast reunion special thingie!_"_

"Lindsay? What a…_surprise_…?" Courtney answered uncertainly as Lindsey finally released her. This new development could either blow her plan out of the water or, if played right, help her _tremendously. S_he just had to make shure she didn't show her hand.

Not that Lindsay would even recognize her _own_ hands…

"I _know_, right?" the blonde squealed, a sound so shrill Courtney could hear it even over the pounding music. "I didn't know you knew _Leona_!"

"Oh, you _know_," Courtney replied, playing it off with a casual flip of her wrist, "_everyone_ knows Leona"

"Well, d_uh!_ She and I are, like, new BFFs!" Lindsay then grabbed Courtney's hand and began dragging her through the crowd towards one of the hallways, "C'mon! We're _this_ way! …I think…"

Courtney rolled her eyes at Lindsay's trademark naivety. She was making everything _way _too easy.

Honestly, she was more surprised to see Lindsay as such an independent thinker. Shrugging as she let Lindsay drag her through the house, Courtney figured it just felt unusual since she'd gotten so accustomed to seeing her with—

"Heather!" Lindsay called out as they reached the back patio, "Leona! Look who _I_ found!"

Courtney froze in her tracks as queen bee Heather (wearing a wig and _still_ waiting for her hair to grow back) glanced up at her from her conversation with another blonde and stared at Courtney in surprise. Then she smirked and Courtney's stomach dropped into her feet.

This was _bad_. If _anyone_ could mess this up for her, it would be Heather. But she forced herself to breathe as she came up to the group of them.

"_Courtney_," Heather commented, standing up. "Well, well, well, how the mighty have _fallen_"

"Shut up Heather_,_" the CIT snapped back. "I'm here on _business. _What's _your _excuse?"

Cocky as always, Heather bragged, "Why, I'm here at the request of Ms. Janessa, _of course. _You know_?_ The big international perfume model? She's a _big _TDI fan and she—"

But the other blonde, clearly Leona, finally finished her thought process and recognized Courtney at last. She sprang to her feet with a gasp.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, "You're _Courtney_, aren't you? You were the smart, nerdy girl of the show, right? Like Hermione Granger?"

"_Yes_…" Courtney replied, unsure if she'd just been complimented or insulted but holding out a hand to shake, "it's awesome to meet you, Ms. Janessa"

"Ms. Janessa is my mother," the model corrected, giggling. "Please, call me Luisa!"

Heather glanced back at Leona in surprise. "I thought your name was '_Leona'_?"

"Oh my god! It _is?" _Leona Janessa immediately went to check her purse in a panic for her ID card,_ "_Oh _no! _Why didn't my agent _tell_ me?!"

Heather slapped a hand over eyes and moaned, "It's…like talking to _firewood…_"

"You have talking firewood?" Lindsay asked in excitement. "Oh! Oh! Can _I _talk to it?"

Ignoring Heather and Lindsay, Courtney focused on her target again as she failed to locate her ID card. "Um, anyway, _Leona_, I was hoping to talk to you," she said politely. When she noticed that Heather and Lindsay suddenly stood in attention, she added pointedly, "…in _private"_

"Look, is this about the Duncan thing?" Leona asked, finally giving up on her search, "Because, even though I feel _really _sorry for you, my psychic has _never_ been wrong about _anything_ before"

"'The _Duncan _thing'?" Heather asked, enticed, glancing over at Courtney. Her voice dripped with malice as she crossed her arms, "Do _tell_"

Courtney tried to keep a straight face and hoped the dim lights hid the color of her face as she pretended Heather hadn't spoken. "I'm sorry, your _psychic_?" she asked Leona.

"Madame Hawkenthorne," she explained with a flourish, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Courtney caught a strong scent of heavy perfume and struggled not to gag. "I've been going to see her in _three_ different lives and just recently she was able to discern who my soul mate was"

Heather choked on her spit. "And she told you it was _Duncan_?"

"You might need to consider changing your psychic channels," Lindsay advised with a concerned expression.

"I know he's totally not my type," she admitted sitting back down on the love seat, looking resigned, "and he _is_ kinda annoying and repulsive and unsettling, but Madame Hawkenthorne has _never_ been wrong about _anything_ in my life! She's the reason I _got _this perfume modeling job! She's never steered me wrong _before_"

Courtney's fists tightened. "Okay, _look_," she snapped, losing her patience and tired of arguing with idiocy, "I _hate_ to be the one to break it to you sister, but Duncan—"

"Is totally _not_ the caliber of guy an internationalmodel like _you _should be dating," Heather finished for her.

Courtney snapped her mouth shut. Was Heather actually _helping _her?

"Heather?" she asked, tugging on the Asian girl's blouse and leading her away from the blondes. "Can I _borrow_ you for a second?"

When they were a few steps away and Lindsay and Leona were back to talking, she whispered, "What are you—"

"Look, Ms Subtle," Heather began, pulling out of Courtney's grip, "we're on the same _side. You're_ clearly here to get Ms International Model off you and your boy toy's case. _I'm _here to catch a ride on said model's star which is going to crash and _burn_ if she's convinced that she should be dating _Duncan_"

Despite the truth of Heather's words, Courtney bristled at the connotation.

"There is _nothing_ wrong with dating Duncan!" Courtney clarified, jabbing a finger at Heather, "Just as long as _I'm _the one dong it"

"Exactly my point," was Heather's confident response. "If Leona's not careful, she could end up with _your _life"

"Guys," Lindsay and Leona interrupted just as Courtney grit her teeth and was mentally rolling up her sleeves, "as much as I hate to admit it, I think Leona's right to trust her psychic. She says bad voodoo will befall us all if she doesn't!"

Courtney counted to ten in her head before replying, as courteously as she could manage, "Look, did she tell you _specifically_ that it was Duncan?"

Leona racked her brain which gave Courtney _another _ten seconds to compose herself. "Well, her exact words were, 'He is famous around the world because of that stupid show you like so much, he is very wanted and desired, and his name rhymes with 'Bustin'"

She shrugged her slender shoulders. "Who else _could_ it be?"

Courtney and Heather gave each other a knowing look.

"Leona," Courtney began, "could it be she meant _Justin _McGorgeousness?"

The model looked confused. "But…that doesn't _rhyme_…"

Heather stepped up, putting an arm around Leona. "Think about it, Leona: he's _totally_ your type of guy. He's beautiful, attractive, he's a _model…"_

Lindsay squealed. "Oh my gosh! You guys are _so_ smart!"

"Really?" Leona asked, smiling at last. "Because that would make _soooo_ much more sense…"

"I'm _sure_," Courtney told her smugly, pulling out her PDA. "Here, Leona, _I _even have his _number_"

"Oh my gosh! Could you give it to me?" Leona begged, moving out from under Heather's arm to stare pleadingly at Courtney. "Oh please oh please oh please oh please—"

"_Of course," _she simpered._ "_And we'll just forget this whole 'Duncan' thing ever happened, _**right?**_"

"_Duh_," Leona replied, rolling her eyes and tossing her hair again. Heather, Lindsay, and Courtney all covered their noses quickly at the overwhelming scent. "I am _so_ over and done with _that"_

"_Excellent." _Courtney scribbled Justin's phone number on Leona's palm. Clicking the pen resolutely, she grinned and turned to leave,_ "_Enjoy your party!"

Before she headed back into the house, she turned back to Heather and the two blondes jumping up and down in excitement over Leona's palm.

"_Oh_," she added, smirking, "and best of luck on your _star catching_, Heather. May I recommend using a bigger _net?_"

* * *

Courtney was grinning like an idiot when she got back into her car. She retrieved the list from the sun visor and put a checkmark next to Leona's name.

Then, she pulled a heavy file folder from her back seat to analyze the information on her next target. There were pages and pages of police and RCMP reports that Courtney had managed to pull up on 'Bella Arthur' but surprisingly nothing about her current whereabouts.

But as Courtney flipped idly through the reports, a familiar name jumped out at her. She did a double take to be sure and then narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, you have _got_ to be _kidding _me!"

* * *

_A/N:_ Since Courtney and I have many similarities (including an inexplicable attraction to bad boys), it bothers me when I read those 'love at first sight/head over heels' DxC stories because I don't think they're very in character for Courtney. I see her CIT side rearing its head kicking and screaming every once in a while and Courtney having to tell it to shut the hell up and force herself to go with what she's actually feeling. :)

**NEXT:**

"What makes you think I know _anyone_ by that name? What _proof_ do you have?"

"I have the RCMP's official report of you and a 'Bella Arthur' breaking and entering into the house, robbing the poor man of a $12.00 plastic dog bath and then upsetting the natural reserve to bury it using only your bare feet"

"Does it say anything about the lemon squeezer and the box of toothpicks?"

"No…"

"Okay, then, forget I totally said _anything"_


	4. Bella Arthur and El Salvador

_**Chapter 4: Bella Arthur and El Salvador**_

A/N: Okay, so I must apologize for the spoof on the _Zoolander_ joke ahead of time. It just fit so perfectly that I didn't have the heart to get rid of it once it came to me XD

* * *

"What's _taking_ you so long, Bridgette?" Courtney snapped over the phone, flopping back onto her bed.

"_Chillax_, Courtney!" her friend replied in good humor, trying to keep the laughter out of her voice. "I'm doing you a _favor,_ remember? I know you're new to this but you're usually really really _really_ nice to people when they do you a _favor_"

"Okay, okay, I'm _sorry,_" she apologized grudgingly.

Courtney drummed her nails on her thigh and counted to fifteen. "But it shouldn't be taking you so long!"

She heard Bridgette sigh above the crush of the surf in the background. "Why didn't you get their phone numbers from them yourself?" the blonde asked, changing the subject.

Spinning around on her bed so that her head was hanging upside down over the edge, Courtney surrendered to the small talk and replied, "I guess I was still a little bitter against Owen for winning the first season and then _forfeiting, _which caused the whole mess that was season two, by the way, and I was kind of afraid of Izzy giving me some bizarre, psychotic answer to my request for a phone number like _bird_ _noises_ or _Morse_ _code_"

Bridgette laughed and Courtney smiled despite herself. "I was too, honestly. Luckily, Geoff doesn't—_Geoff! Get off the roof of that surf shack before someone calls security!!"_

Courtney jerked back from her cell phone at Bridgette's shouting. Gingerly, she put the phone back to her ear and asked sarcastically, "So I take it your prized vacation job is going well?"

But Bridgette missed the tone and started gushing, "Talk about the understatement of the year! Surfer's Paradise is a _dream _job, Courtney! I get to surf every day and I've met the _coolest_ people! Can—hold on"

Even holding the phone at arm's length, the CIT could hear the surfer shouting, "_Fin! Reef! Will you _please_ do something about him! I'm in the middle of an important call!_"

After a few seconds of shouting and splashing, Bridgette came back on. "Sorry about that. As I was saying, can you believe I'm getting _paid_ to surf all day?"

That intrigued the future politician. "You _are?_"

"I didn't tell you?!" Bridgette replied in surprise. "The manager told us he gave us the jobs because—_Geoff! I mean it! Don't make me come back up there!—_because our reality TV show fame would attract more customers to the resort!"

"That's…awesome," was Courtney's response. At the same time she was happy for Bridgette she couldn't help but feel a little jealous that her friend had lucked out more than she had.

Catching a whiff of Courtney's thoughts, Bridgette feigned innocence and asked, "So, uh, anything like that happen for you or Duncan?"

Reflexively, Courtney glanced at her hit list on her bedside table. "…_something_ like that"

"Okay! Sorry for the wait, my phone book was on the bottom of my beach bag," Bridgette announced finally. "Here are Izzy and Owen's numbers"

Bridgette recited the numbers for Courtney and then wished her a quick goodbye, having to run off and rip Geoff apart for jeopardizing her said 'dream job'. Courtney wished her the best of luck, hung up and began dialing again.

She had business to get back to as well.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to eat anything?" Owen asked, glancing up from devouring his mammoth rack of ribs and giving Courtney a once over. "You really are skinny as a _rail"_

Courtney eyed the enormous amount of food, half of which was either already consumed or all over Owen's clothes, from her seat on the other side of the booth and repressed the urge to shiver.

"No thanks, I'm fine," she replied politely, in what she hoped was an honest face. "_Really_"

"_Ohmygosh_!" Izzy exclaimed, stopping with half of a fried chicken leg on the way to her mouth. "My cousin Melissa said that to me once when I noticed she was getting skinnier and skinnier and skinnier and skinnier and skinnier and it turned out she was actually anorexic and the next week we had to send her to rehab and my mom and I baked her a banana cream pie to send to her but the rehab place didn't let her have it! Isn't that totally _weird_?"

"Great _googly_ _moogly_!" Owen exclaimed, dropping the rib he was eating and turning to stare at Izzy in honest shock, "_Anorexic_? You never told me your cousin could move things with her _mind!_"

Courtney had the sudden urge to bathe herself in disinfectant and _pray_ the crazy wasn't contagious.

"Anorexia is a disease where you don't _eat,_" she clarified in a tight voice, "and _I don't have it. _Can we _please_ get this _over _with?_"_

Izzy and Owen glanced at Courtney and then at each other before they shrugged and continued eating. "Fire away!"

She whipped out her file folder from her purse. "Okay, I'm trying to find the current whereabouts of a Rebecca "Bella" Arthur from Ontario and Izzy's name came up in one of the documents about the bizarre robbery of Henry Matthews. Do you know where I could find her?"

Izzy stopped eating and looked surprised for all of a moment before she asked suspiciously, "What makes you think I know _anyone_ by that name? What _proof_ do you have?"

Expecting something along those lines, Courtney pulled out the specific document. "I have the RCMP's official report of you and a 'Bella Arthur' breaking and entering into a house, robbing the poor man of a $12.00 plastic dog bath and then upsetting the natural reserve to bury it using only your bare feet"

To Courtney's surprise, Izzy's suspicion vanished in a flash. "_Ohmygosh_! You're talking about _El Salvador_, right?"

"What?"

"Does it say anything about the lemon squeezer and the box of toothpicks?" she asked as she sat up from her seat across the table to try and see the document but Courtney pulled the file closer to her body and checked the paper.

"Uh…_no_…"

"Okay, then, forget I totally said _anything,_" she replied sitting back down and resuming her chicken.

But the conversation had gotten Owen's attention. Some of it anyway.

"Wry are yoo ookin fer her?" he asked with a mouth full of barbequed meat.

"I just wanted to talk to her about something important," Courtney answered, nervously shifting out of the way of Owen's projectile range.

"Well, _last_ I saw her," Izzy said, scratching her head though her hands were covered in BBQ, "we were breaking out of our holding cells in the Nova Scotia state penitentiary and her bra got caught on the fence as we were jumping over to escape. Man, was _that_ a riot! She might still be there"

That was all the lead Courtney needed.

"Thanks, Izzy!" she said immediately, shoving the file back in her purse and quickly sliding out of the booth.

"You sure you don't want to take any of this to go?" Owen asked, gulping down the last of his ribs as their waitress came back, nervously placing more food in front of the pair.

"Yeah! This place might have banana cream pie!" Izzy added, slurping down a tall smoothie.

"No thank you!" Courtney insisted, sidestepping towards the door. "I'm just gonna…go home and shower a few times…"

"Sweet! Send El Salvador my love!" Izzy called before Courtney slipped out of the restaurant.

Once outside, she sighed and walked quickly to her car as she tried to suppress an involuntary shiver. Tracking down Bella Arthur was turning out to be more of a hassle than she expected it to be. Now she had to go through _more_ illegal files and probably call her lawyer to try and arrange a meeting.

But true to her word, the first thing Courtney was going to do was head home and shower. Repeatedly.

* * *

Finally, Courtney found herself waiting in a sitting room at a local police station where Bella had been arrested for shoplifting. She'd told the cops she was Bella's cousin, Melissa.

But even as she glanced around the dingy looking sitting room and rehearsed her lines in her head, uneasiness rumbled around in her stomach. This was the farthest she'd gone out of her league yet to eliminate her possible competitors. Maybe blackmailing a dangerous known criminal wasn't her _greatest_ idea…

The door clicked open and a handcuffed girl was led into the room. Her brunette hair was stringy and greasy, clinging to her face as her scrawny figure was forced down into a chair. She glared at Courtney with chocolate eyes that looked like she wanted to rip her up into tiny little pieces.

What shocked Courtney the most though was her _age_. She'd judged her to be much older due to her…colorful vocabulary in the e-mails but the girl couldn't have been older than twelve. That put a whole new spin on things.

"Hi, Bella," the CIT greeted politely. "You don't know me but I'm—"

"Courtney," she said in a flat voice. Her eyes never wavered. "The show. _Dense_ much?"

Courtney grit her teeth and glared back. So she was going to be one of _those_ teenagers, then? Fine.

"Good, so we can skip introductions. I wanted to ask you about—"

Bella cut her off. "If this is about the In and Out Burger incident, I've already denied all the charges—"

"Will you let me _finish_?" Courtney snapped, annoyed.

Somehow, Bella managed to cross her arms over her chest despite the fact she was chained to the table and her seat.

"I'm not in the mood for BS, _Princess_," she informed her, her tone mocking.

Courtney flinched at the name. But the words fueled her fire. "I'm not the once handcuffed to a chair_, Rebecca_"

Bella glanced her over distastefully. Finally, she spat, "_Shoot_"

"As I was saying," Courtney continued, "I'm here regarding some…_detailed _e-mails you sent Duncan over the last year and _what_ is so _funny?_"

Out of nowhere, Bella had started laughing uproariously. Courtney glared at her as she hiccupped and continued, "Oh, nothing. I'd just forgotten how big of a _prude_ you were"

Reflexively, Courtney's jaw dropped open. "_Excuse_ me?"

"You know," Bella went on, somehow managing to casually cross her legs as well, "I still can't figure out why he'd want to tap _your _ass. Especially since you have that _pole_ shoved so far up it"

It was taking every ounce of self control for Courtney not to reach across the table and strangle the younger girl with her bare hands. And even that control wasn't going to last that much longer.

"You don't know the _first_ thing about me and Duncan, you preschooler," Courtney shot back, her voice dangerously low.

"I'm _thirteen_," the younger of the two corrected in a hiss. "And I believe I know a _lot_ more than you _think_ I do"

Unexpectedly, Bella broke into a grin, a smirk so evil it made Courtney's skin crawl. "Behind the scenes on 'I Triple Dog Dare You' ring any bells in your pretty little head?"

Courtney's face paled and her mind blanked out completely. She gaped at Bella at a complete loss for words for the first time. "I don't—_what_ are— you can't—_that was never aired!" _she spluttered out at last.

Bella's smirk never faltered. "Doesn't mean no one _saw_ it"

Snatching her purse off the table, Courtney stormed to her feet and started for the door. She was so infuriated that she'd been blackmailed in turn that she couldn't even remember why she even wanted to confront the devil child in the first place.

"Send Dunks my love!" Bella called from her seat, snickering.

"Yeah, well Izzy sends _hers!_" Courtney hissed under her breath just as she grabbed at the doorknob.

"What was that?"

Courtney turned back around to Bella and pointedly repeated, "I said _Izzy_ sends you her _love, _though I can't fathom _why_"

Still livid, she was already turning back to the door to get herself out of the hell-hole while she still could when there was a clattering of chains. Courtney spun back around to Bella who was suddenly on her feet, nose flaring like a bull.

"That psychotic homicidal _bitch!_" she roared. "She left me here to f***ing _rot_ and she has the balls, the _audacity_ to even _remember_ me?"

A light bulb clicked on in Courtney's mind. She shoved her anger under the surface so that she could concentrate on her new attack plan.

"Oh, _hey_…" she began, feigning innocence as she released the door handle, "you wouldn't happen to be 'El Salvador' would you?"

"_Don't call me—" _she started but stopped halfway as a dazed look came over her and she plopped back down on her seat. She looked Courtney over again, this time in appraisal, and asked something in Spanish.

_That_ was unexpected. Courtney came back to the table, confused, "Um, speak English?"

"Si,"she replied, "I ask if Court-ney help El Salvador crush Isabella like ripe papaya and recover stolen good things"

Bella, or rather 'El Salvador', made a motion as if to smash something violently. She smiled at Courtney, "Si? Yes?"

She couldn't believe her luck. Inside, she was practically throwing herself a party as she said aloud, "I can help you with Izzy if you help me with, em, Bella. _Comprenday_?"

"El Salvador keep Bella from talking to Dunk-can," the preteen nodded, grinning with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "El Salvador think Antonio Banderas _much_ cuter"

"Um, well, I don't know where Izzy _is_ right now," she lied, as she reached in her purse. She'd rather face the straightforward fury of Bella/El Salvador with multiple personalities than incur something far stranger and unpredictable from Izzy the Grade-A Nutjob. "But I do know what happened to the objects you were trying to steal…"

Courtney read off the list of where all the items had eventually ended up and El Salvador nodded, smiling triumphantly when Courtney finished.

"And they find no mention of ice-cube rack or fake oran-gootan?" she asked.

"_Why _on _Earth_ were you—" Courtney started but stopped on her own. As with Harold, she figured she was better off not knowing. She pinched her brow, fighting the migraine she could feel coming from a mile away. "No, it mentions nothing of the sort"

"Ek-sellent," El Salvador chirped just as a guard came in to let Courtney know her time was up.

"Thank you for all your help," Courtney replied. "You'll keep the deal?"

Bella/El Salvador placed a hand over her heart, "El Salvador swears on _La Santa Juana Maria del Cobre_ that Bella will not communicate with him in any language, by any means, from any other body"

"Ah…yeah…okay. I guess that'll do," she replied and quickly headed out after the guard.

From her purse she pulled out her hit list again and furiously scribbled out Bella Arthur's name as her anger flared up again. In addition to taking down Chelsea Dagger, the final name on her list, she was now going to have to track down and destroy whoever leaked the 'I Triple Dog Dare You' footage _also._

But first thing first, she was going to take _another_ shower. _Just_ to be certain.

* * *

A/N: I'll leave it to your imagination what happened behind the scenes of 'I Triple Dog Dare You', the _only_ episode Courtney and Duncan spent together at Playa de Losers. And cookie for you if you picked up on where Bridgette and Geoff are working ;)

**NEXT:**

"You can't go talk to Chelsea looking like _that_"

"What's wrong with the way I look?"

"Girl, you look like another stuck up Albatross and Finch model!"

"She'll punch you in the face and go on with her life like nothing happened"

"I'm fond of my face the way it is, thank you very much"

"Which is why _we_ have a plan…"


	5. Interlude: Drop Dead, Romeo

**Interlude: Drop Dead, Romeo**

A/N: Thanks for the lovely reviews (those who _did _leave reviews) as we hit the home stretch for this story.

If you haven't already, go read _**'The Art of Pretending It Isn't Your Fault'**_ co-written by **Contemperina** and yours truly :). Chapter 5 of this story is almost done but in the thrill of writing 'The Art of Pretending' (and in the _delay_ of writing 'Courtney') I present a quick interlude between Courtney's vengeful scheming. It was supposed to be the opening scene of 'Chapter 5: The Infamous Chelsea Dagger' but I'm releasing it early.

* * *

Disclaimer: It was recently brought to my attention that TDA's $1,000,000.00 CAD is really only $971,315.58 USD. This made me quite upset. So not only would any American contestants be forced to endure Chris McLean's special ring of Hell for eight weeks, but they would also be magically cheated out of $28,684.42 when they got back home. Do you _**know**_ how many _**dozens**_ of _**donuts**_ you can _**buy**_ with **_$28,684.42_**???

* * *

Courtney was unaware she had a 'Duncan Sense' until she was calmly sitting in her student council meeting after school and was suddenly interrupted by a horn honking outside, loudly and annoyingly. She jumped in her seat and every hair on her body prickled.

'_Get a grip, Courtney!' _she scolded herself internally. She forced herself to relax as a few members of the student council started whispering and stood up in their chairs to try and see outside. Beyond the annoying honking, she could faintly hear blaring metal death music and became a little more concerned.

"It has nothing to do with you," she muttered to herself under her breath, closing her eyes and counting backwards from ten. "It's for someone else; it's nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with you, it has –"

"Oh my gosh! _Oh my gosh!" _someone squealed from outside,_ "_Stacy! Emily! Isn't that that _guy_ from Total Drama Island?"

Courtney felt her eye twitch.

"Would the student board please excuse me for one _teensy_ itty-bitty second?" she asked as she slowly rose to her feet.

Andy, their student council president, looked her once over and nodded as some of her other board members snickered.

Wordlessly, Courtney darted to the second floor window, slammed it open and screeched over the music at the top of her lungs, "_**DUNCAN!!!**_"

She could see up to his chest sticking out from the sun roof of his car as he stood in the driver's seat, kicking at the horn with his foot. He grinned when he saw her.

"Oh, hey! _There_ you are, Princess!"

"Duncan…" she growled threateningly, "I am about to ask you what the _hell_ you are _doing_ and if you reply 'sitting in the parking lot of your school, blaring music, and honking the horn,' so help me God, I will _**castrate** _you_"_

Her delinquent merely smirked at her. "I didn't know we were at the mind-reading stage of the relationship already, darling"

Noticing (correctly) that Courtney looked ready to jump out the window and throttle him, he casually continued with, "I was in the neighborhood and thought you might wanna go grab lunch. You're always bitching about your school food being worse than Chef's, right?"

That threw her off guard. Against her will, her heart started fluttering like a bird and she swooned. _That's so sweet of him!_

"Duncan, that's so—! _Wait…" _she stopped herself, suspicion kicking in. "When did you evolve a sense of _chivalry_?"

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Since I felt like it?"

Four classrooms down from Courtney, who'd just opened her mouth to reply, a redhead popped open the window and stuck her head out.

"Ohmygosh!! Isn't that—"

"_Don't make me come over there, sister!" _Courtney shouted at her, grabbing the frame and leaning out a little more so she could glare at the girl more comfortably. The red head '_eep!_'edand the window shut quickly.

"_Why are you laughing?!_" she added to Duncan who wasn't even trying to hide his amusement.

"Because vengeance looks good on you, babe!" he replied. He said it like a compliment. "Now get down here so we can blow this popsicle stand!"

"I'm in a _meeting!_" she yelled out to him.

"So get _out_ of it!" he shouted back up.

"And I have plans this afternoon!"

"Cancel them!"

"_**Duncan! **_The world doesn't revolve around you!"

"It can't!" he snorted, "Because it revolves around _you!"_

Courtney opened and closed her mouth a few times. Several of her classmates giggled. Suddenly remembering that they were on display, she blushed and hissed back, "I am _not_ having this argument with you right now! I'm _not_ coming down!"

He shrugged and grabbed the sunroof frame to kick open the car door. "Fine by me! I'll come up!"

"I mean it, Duncan!" she warned. "If you _ever_ want to kiss this face again you will get _out_ of here before I call the cops and have your mother throw your ass in jail!"

Duncan rolled his eyes. "_Sheesh_, Drama Queen_…_" he muttered, but otherwise didn't try to get out of the car. He slumped down to the car seat and closed the car door.

"Argh!"

Courtney groaned as she turned back from the window. With a feminine sigh, she clasped her hands together and put on her most angelic face. "I'm so sorry. Where were we before—"

There was a single long honk from outside. Without asking permission this time, she slammed open the window again.

"_**WHAT?!"**_ she roared.

"Still want me to grab you something to eat?" Duncan asked casually during a pause where the music changed tracks.

"_**NO!**_"

She spun back inside. After a moment, she had a second thought and darted back to the window.

"_**Unless you're going to Blimpie's then YES!**_ _**I'll have a turkey sandwich!**_"

"Don't you eat _anything_ else on Tuesdays?" her boyfriend snickered as the guitar riff for the next song started.

"_**DUNCAN!**_"

He blew her a kiss and slammed the car into drive just as the school security guards came through the front doors. Courtney made sure he was off the school grounds before turning back into her classroom, grinning sheepishly at her student board.

"Hehe…I don't know him…"

A/N: Um, the quotes mentioned _last _chapter will be in the _next_ chapter.


	6. The Infamous Chelsea Dagger

**Chapter 5: The Infamous Chelsea Dagger**

Disclaimer: A true story.

Stray: *tensely sitting in front of TV watching 'Princess Pride' in her crowded living room*  
_Chris_: _And the final gilded Chris goes to…Justin!  
__Courtney_: _What_?  
Stray: *bolting straight up to her feet* _**NO**_!  
Members of Stray's household: *stare at her*  
Stray: *thinking quickly* Um, uh…no! No fair! Stupid TV somehow switched channels from 'Fringe' to this random cartoon show. Super weird.  
Members of Stray's household: *Give her weird looks but resume what they were doing*  
_Chris_:_ Just kidding *tosses Duncan his trophy*  
_Friend: *Noticing Stray hasn't changed the channel back* Uh…aren't you going to switch back?  
Stray: *Waves her off without taking her eyes from the TV* It's on commercial. _Shhh._

* * *

Later at the mall, Courtney was waiting in the food court to meet up with Gwen who was already fifteen minutes late in arriving. She groaned over the turkey sandwich and water bottle Duncan had so graciously allowed to get warm on the roof of her mother's car. _The more things change…_

Finally, Courtney spotted Gwen's teal hair heading towards her through the crowd. She stood up to wave but faltered when she noticed that Gwen wasn't alone. She was flanked on either side by Leshawna and three more Gothic looking teens.

"Hey Gwen, Leshawna…Gwen's creepy friends," she said uncertainly by way of greeting.

"Hey, Courtney," Gwen replied casually, scraping out the seat across from Courtney.

"What's happening, girl?" Leshawna asked, taking a seat next to Gwen.

"Greetings"

"How goes it?"

"Pixie Corpse"

Courtney wasn't sure she correctly heard the third one. "Um…come again?"

"My name is Pixie Corpse," the very tall, lanky, florescent blue haired teen clarified, rolling her eyes as she plopped down next to Gwen. The only boy of the group was the only one who didn't sit, standing behind Gwen's chair defensively instead. The other girl with short, spiky pink hair took a seat on the other side of Gwen and Leshawna.

"Right…" Courtney hedged, more than just slightly uncomfortable.

"Sorry," Gwen amended when she noticed Courtney's expression. She indicated to the individuals surrounding her, grinning. "These are my friends Marilyn, Pixie Corpse, and Reaper. They were in the area and wanted to come with." She crossed her arms decidedly. "So what's going down?"

"Yeah, girl," Leshawna continued. She looked completely out of place with the Goths but seemed to mind it much less than Courtney did. "You sounded mighty desperate over the phone"

"Which means it's probably something to do with Duncan," the girl Gwen had indicated as Marilyn commented, snickering.

Courtney's first reaction was instant pure terror that the creepy Goth girl knew about her. Only then did she realize that Marilyn was probably talking from what she knew of the show.

"Well, I wouldn't use the word 'desperate'," she began, her tone slightly clipped (and hopefully less shakier than she thought). "And it doesn't _always_ have something to do with Duncan!"

Gwen smiled broadly, cleverly like a Cheshire Cat. "Sure. Keep telling yourself that"

"What's the DL?"

The CIT explained her situation.

"Will you _stop laughing!_" she hissed at Gwen, Leshawna and the others who were listening to her story and either smirking or snickering, failing to maintain their laughter.

"Girl, you haven't changed a _bit,_" Leshawna laughed.

Courtney huffed indignantly and got up to leave but Gwen pulled her back down easily.

"Sorry, sorry. We'll be good. Keep going"

"Look," Courtney huffed. "I just figured you could help me out since the chick didn't give much info on herself and since you and Duncan were _such_ good 'friends'…"

Gwen slapped a palm to her face. "_Courtney_, if Duncan and I have told you once, we've told you a thousand times: we _didn't _hook up!"

Pixie Corpse seconded her, her tone sarcastic. "She was too busy salivating over Mr. 'I'm-Too-Sexy-for-My-Guitar' like a _groupie_, remember?"

"Only to dump him for Duncan on season two!" Courtney countered, throwing her arms up.

"I didn't dump Trent for _Duncan!" _Gwen groaned, exasperated. "And we're back _together_ now so it's all moot anyway!"

"_Really_?" Courtney crossed her arms. She didn't believe it for a second. "Then where _is_ he?" she challenged.

Gwen, Marilyn, Leshawna, and Pixie Corpse pointed behind them. Courtney stood up to see that about 60 meters behind them Trent was sitting on a bench with a bag of chips. He smiled when he saw Courtney and waved at her.

Courtney was too shocked to wave back. "What on _Earth_ is he doing all the way over _there_?" she spluttered.

"He has to stay a mandatory 50 meters away from her according to the restraining order," Gwen explained as she turned in her chair to wave at him and Trent blew her a kiss.

"You put a _restraining order _on your _boyfriend?"_

"Oh, _she _didn't," Marilyn clarified.

All of their eyes turned to glare at Reaper.

"Welcome home present," he shrugged, unashamed. "Guy went crazy nut-job whacko. Doing you a _favor_"

"Why don't you just get it revoked?" Courtney asked as Gwen turned back around. It seemed eternally obvious.

"Because of _her._" Reaper pointed to someone in the mall crowd.

Courtney didn't even have to get up to see the tall, ugly woman standing to side of the hallway. She was scowling with her arms crossed over her non-existent chest tightly. She was watching Trent without blinking.

"That's _our _fault, I'm afraid," Pixie Corpse explained as Marilyn nodded. "We pooled our money to hire Gwen a personal bodyguard. Since, you know, she almost _won _the first season"

"_Unfortunately_," Marilyn continued, "she's _Bulgarian_. Doesn't speak a lick of English orFrench so we can't seem to convey to her that Trent is no longer a threat"

"The order only has a few more weeks on it though and hopefully then things will go back to normal," Gwen explained.

"'Normal' meaning someone doesn't pounce, pummel, and cuff him when he trips over his shoelaces into your 'danger zone'," Leshawna clarified with a snort of laughter.

Gwen waved her off and reeled the conversation back in. Turning to Courtney, she went on, "Anyway, you were saying?"

Reluctantly grateful to Gwen, she pulled out another file folder and laid it on the table for them as she started explaining. "Well, she says her name is 'Chelsea Dagger'. I have a photo but I haven't found any info on her other than that and that she lives in this province"

"It's an alias," Reaper said instantly, without having even picked up the folder.

"An alias?"

"Yeah, she renamed herself after the song. I can't disagree that it fits," Pixie Corpse said, muttering the last part.

Courtney stared at them. That was an unexpected bonus. "You _know_ her?"

"Heck yeah!" Leshawna snapped. "Girl's a grade B _bitch_"

"Grade **A** is reserved for Heather," Gwen added with a dark smirk.

"Wait…and she went out with _Duncan_?"

"I can't disagree _that_ fits too," Pixie Corpse mumbled as she thought out loud.

Courtney couldn't help but feel elated. They knew where she could find this girl! She wasn't going to have to make any compromising alliances or long distance phone calls or put up with ridiculous parties.

"This is great! Where can I find her?"

The Goths and Leshawna all glanced at each other uneasily.

"That's…kinda _her_ over there"

Leshawna had pointed somewhere just beyond Courtney's ear and she turned to see black and scarlet hair, long to the shoulders, on a tall girl with nose and lip piercings. She was dressed in a black tutu skirt and a neon green checkered top with matching socks and dark gray combat boots. While she wasn't as built as, say _Eva_ was, there was still something distinctly _Amazonian _about her that made her look strong and intimidating even from a distance. Chelsea was smoking something questionable with two guys outside the men's bathroom. She looked like the boss of group.

She also happened to look like she ate girls like Courtney for breakfast, lunch _and _dinner.

Something twisted inside Courtney's guts as she looked on. Not _fear_ exactly, but a sickly familiarity that she couldn't quite place.

Uncertainly now, Courtney rose to her feet and put her file folder back in her bag. "All…_right_ then. Thanks for your help, I guess"

"What exactly are you _doing_?" Gwen asked, holding up a hand to keep Courtney where she was.

"I'm gonna go talk to her," Courtney replied, even as she tried to keep her stomach steeled from flip-flopping again. It really should have been obvious.

"You can't go talk to Chelsea looking like _that,_" Pixie Corpse informed her as she gave her a once-over, sniggering in a way that reminded Courtney faintly of Duncan.

Insulted, Courtney looked over her blouse and Capri pants with matching wedges. "What's wrong with the way I look?" she demanded of the Goths.

To Courtney's surprise, the answer came from Leshawna who flipped her wrist and said, "Girl, you look like another stuck up _Albatross and Finch _model!"

"She'll punch you in the face and go on with her life like nothing happened," Marilyn added, leaning over against the table.

Courtney touched her nose tenderly at this information, concerned. "I'm fond of my face the way it is, thank you very much"

Gwen leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms behind her head in a gesture of absolute confidence. "Which is why _we_ have a plan…"

The girl may have been a Goth, but Courtney would've been naïve not to admit that Gwen was brilliant. She sighed and planted a hand on her hip. "What do you want?"

"Want?" Gwen asked, as if she hadn't considered the question.

"In return for helping me?" Courtney clarified. She was calculating her funds in her head and realized she really didn't have that much to offer them if they really wanted to milk her for what she was worth.

"Truthfully?" Pixie Corpse asked, crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head to glare in the direction of Chelsea, looking dangerously…well, _Gothic_. "We just wanna see Miss. Dagger over there kicked down a few notches"

"So we'll call this even," Gwen said holding out a hand for Courtney to shake which Courtney took almost reflexively.

"But if you feel the inexplicable need to _mud wrestle_…"

The girls turned to glare at Reaper.

He shrugged. "Suit yourself."

**

* * *

**

A half hour later…

"I am _not_ wearing this"

Courtney stared at herself in the reflection of the glass outside of _Goth Topic_ like she was staring at a different person. Somehow, she'd been talked into wearing a short spiky black wig with a red and white tube top with matching gloves, a short black vinyl skirt and ripped fishnet stockings. The outfit was topped by three inch (also vinyl) stiletto boots that went up to her knees, Reaper's heavy and chain covered leather jacket, and more studded and skull bearing jewelry than she could count. And her face had more makeup caked on than she'd ever worn in her entire life combined.

"In fact, you _are,_" Gwen corrected, grinning at Courtney's expression deviously from over her shoulder.

Courtney spun away from her store reflection and made to go right back inside and return all the clothing. "No. _No way"_

But Leshawna blocked her retreat, crossing her arms as she gave the new Courtney a once over and approved. "Trust us, girlie. It's the _only_ _way_"

The CIT huffed and tried to head out the other way but was intercepted by Pixie Corpse who was contemplating Gwen's and her handiwork. "Hell, other than the whiney voice and the darkly skin tone, you look like a bonafide Goth," she praised.

"I _look_ like a _hooker_!" Courtney insisted, stomping a foot and almost twisting her ankle in the process.

"So…what are your rates?"

Marilyn smacked Reaper upside the head, though her expression looked more amused than ticked off. "Keep it in your pants, Reap"

"Can you imagine Duncan's reaction when he gets a load of you in this?" Gwen whispered wickedly to Courtney where none of the others could hear her. "Trust me, Court. He isn't going to even remember my _name_"

Courtney dared another glance at her reflection. The absurdly dressed person there scowled back at her. "I don't think I can do this, guys…at least not with a straight face…"

"For-_get_ about the clothes!" Leshawna insisted. "They're just to keep Chelsea from bolting, right Pix?"

"Look, we're going to be right behind you in case Yoko or R.E.M. start anything," Pixie Corpse reassured Courtney, indicating Chelsea and her boys in the distance.

"Oh, Yoko and I have _unfinished business_," Marilyn replied, cracking her knuckles and looking quite menacing for a heavily made-up girl of her particularly short stature. "I'm _hoping_ that douche tries to start something"

"I'm _not," _Courtney muttered, looking over to where the rival Goths were standing.

Steeling her mind and gut the best she could, she took a deep breath, _swore_ she was going to get Duncan to reimburse her for this with expensive gifts, and started walking over to the men's washrooms.

"You do have a _plan_, right?" Gwen asked her as she took to Courtney's right side, Pixie Corpse and Leshawna next to her, as Marilyn and Reaper flanked Courtney's left.

"Oh, uh, totally," Courtney lied as they made their way up to the trio and the CIT attempted to form said plan in her head.

She had planned on just playing it by ear like she had more or less done with all the other girls but Chelsea seemed to require a more precise approach since, as far as Courtney could tell, she was the only one who had _actually, physically _dated Duncan.

Intimidation was out of the question: the Goth looked like she could have stared down Godzilla without a blink. Bribery might have worked if Courtney had more information on what a girl like Chelsea might have wanted. Misdirection would only work on minds geared as Lindsay's and Leona's were…to put it _nicely._

Improvisation it was.

Courtney forced a smile. "_Hi _there"

Chelsea and her cronies looked up from staring at the floor to stare blankly at Courtney and her Entourage. One of the boys hiked an eyebrow.

"Awesome plan…" Reaper whispered sarcastically to Marilyn who not-so-discreetly stepped on his foot.

"Ms…Dagger, right?" Courtney started. "My name is…Courtney…yeah actually, you probably already know me from the show…but I, uh, wanted to talk to you. About Duncan?"

Chelsea straightened up at the name like it was the single relevant thing Courtney had said and exhaled a breath full of cigarette smoke straight into Courtney's face, smirking haughtily.

"What _about_ Duncan?"

It was a challenge, an Alpha posturing like the Animal Channel would say. And just like that, all of Courtney's nervousness vanished. She was right in her element.

Releasing the death grip she'd had on her purse moments ago, Courtney's forced smile slid into a light smirk as she found the words flowed sleekly past her lips. "Well, you see, I was just curious as to how _delusional_ and _pathetic_ a girl had to be in order to hold onto the fantasy of an ex-boyfriend as long as you have"

The confidence faltered from Chelsea's expression. Her smirk turned into a scowl and Courtney internally congratulated herself for throwing a wrench into her smugness.

That is, until the slim but muscular Goth on Chelsea's left hand side made a snarling sound and took a step towards her.

Now it was Courtney's confidence that flinched in alarm as she took a small step back—right into Marilyn who had taken a step forward, arms crossed and expression fierce to meet the challenge.

To everyone's surprise, Chelsea Dagger held up a hand to stop the boy without taking her eyes off Courtney. "Now, now, Yoko," she intoned, her lips flicking back up into a smirk. "The counselor asked a faultlessly legitimate question. I deem it worth answering, don't you?"

It took Courtney a moment to realize her mouth hung partially open. She closed it immediately and swallowed. Chelsea's advanced vocabulary felt completely detached from her grunge appearance and added the already unsettling, unidentifiable feeling swirling in Courtney's stomach.

Chelsea pushed off the wall she'd been leaning on coming to her full height, roughly the same as Courtney's: not quite as short as Marilyn but still a head shorter than Pixie Corpse.

"So then," she began as she locked eyes with Courtney, her tone deceptively formal, "In _my_ unqualified opinion…I'd have to _say_…" she tapped her lips in thought, "that yours truly wouldn't have to be _nearly _as delusional and pathetic as a girl who thinks a relationship so far out of reach of her _perfect_ little reality is going to last any longer than a couple of _commercial_ _breaks_"

Courtney instantly felt her infamous temper blaze dangerously to life inside her, warming the entirety of her body as she dug her nails painfully into her palms to keep herself from resorting to physical violence.

Because while she'd never admit to anyone (let alone the company she was in now), that was something she asked herself all the time. She pondered that question every morning she woke up expecting the other shoe to drop, each and every time she picked up the phone or sent Duncan a message or defended him against her parents.

It was her most sensitive button to push and Chelsea Dagger had managed to hit it in under five sentences.

Chelsea calmly took another drag of her cigarette (at least, Courtney _hoped _she was smoking tobacco) to breathe out another puff of smoke. But it was aimed at Gwen this time rather than Courtney and while the stream of smoke came up just short of the target's face, the point was still made.

"Wouldn't you _agree_, Gwen?" Chelsea asked her fellow Goth with a sickly sweet smile.

Gwen let out a snarl, not unlike Yoko had a few minutes earlier, and rolled up one of her sleeves. Courtney heard Leshawna hiss an "Oh _no_, she didn't!" from behind her and watched from the corner of her eye as Pixie Corpse dug her nails into each of their shoulders to keep them in place, fixing Chelsea with a steely, dangerous glare. The crony on Chelsea's right, R.E.M., smirked at them while Yoko blew Marilyn a teasing kiss and licked his lips lasciviously. Reaper was practically holding the smallest Goth off the ground to keep her from throwing herself at him and clawing out his eyes with her own black nails.

Sensing the sudden radioactively charged atmosphere of the situation, Courtney bit back her anger and tried to think of something else to throw at her opponent. But she really had no solid ammunition against this ex-girlfriend while Chelsea had two entire _seasons_ worth of dirt on her.

Seeing no other option, Courtney decided to take a shot in the dark and go all in on a hunch she'd had about Chelsea since she read the very first e-mail. Hey, that tactic had always worked for Duncan.

"Such bitterness doesn't become you, Chelsea," she responded in her 'Innocent Politician' tone of voice, struggling to keep a poker face through her bluff. "I mean, I can see how you would resentthe fact that not only you got _dumped _by someone like Duncan, but that then he'd rather choose to go out with an intelligent, promising career woman such as myself instead of _you_…" a dark smile accompanied the words, "well, it must just be eating you up inside huh?"

Chelsea's expression morphed back into a scowl, fiercer than before, and Courtney knew she'd hit that nail on the head.

"Why don't _you_ tell me, _Princess,_" the Goth replied, her voice deprived of all innocence. She'd flicked the cigarette from her hand but didn't put it out. "I know it's gotta be keeping _your _royal ass up all night."

Another low jab at the same sore spot and Courtney was just plain pissed now. Without checking herself first, she crossed her arms and promptly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry. And just _how _many guys have you had chasing _your _ass since he started chasing _mine_?"

Courtney realized the second the words were out of her mouth—a second too late—that she'd said the worst possible thing and there was nothing she could say that would remedy the chain reaction she'd just triggered. Chelsea's eyes narrowed, fixing Courtney squarely in her crosshairs as Yoko and R.E.M. tensed and their leader made no attempt to stop their forward motion this time.

In almost the very same moment that Gwen finished rolling up her other sleeve while smirking darkly, Marilyn, whom Reaper had just released, launched herself at Yoko with a battle cry of, "_GAME __**ON**__, BITCHES_!"

No sooner had Courtney frantically processed this information than everyone in her immediate vicinity was suddenly in motion, including Chelsea Dagger who lunged straight towards the CIT, body tackling her and sending them both to the ground. Her martial arts training kicking in, Courtney managed to remember how to land accordingly to cushion her fall.

And as she pushed her elbow against the ground for the momentum needed to overpower Chelsea and flip over to gain the uppermost position over the other violent girl, the only thing Courtney's adrenaline charged brain could think of (other than connecting her fist repeatedly to Ms. Dagger's face) was how _absolutely _and_ fantastically _she'd hit the jackpot when she'd decided to date _Duncan._

* * *

A/N: I don't know if anyone else noticed, but my writing style has notably changed from the rest of the story and the beginning section of this chapter to its second half since I've started writing _The Art of Pretending It Isn't Your Fault _with Contemperina. Granted, _Courtney vs. The World _was supposed to be an experiment in a different writing style for me anyway but working with Rina, her style has just rubbed off on me in the best possible way that I couldn't help myself. :)

THINGS TO PONDER: So what will be the final result of Courtney's revenge? What's so familiar about Chelsea Dagger? Will Duncan _ever_ find out what Courtney's been up to? How is he going to react?

Well, unfortunately, I can't promise a date for the conclusion, '_Underestimated',_ since Rina and I have TAOP in full swing, but it will come most assuredly. It's already partially written. Here's a sample if you don't believe me!

_**TO BE CONCLUDED:**_

"_What in the name of Chris McLean happened to me?"_

"_Well, do you want me to start with the __**crazy hot**__ all out cat fight or wicked awesome police raid on the entire shopping mall?"_

"_How about you start by telling me what I'm still doing in this stupid Goth get-up, why I'm in a __**hospital bed**__, which you happen to be __**handcuffed to**__, incidentally, and how many people I can __**sue**__ because of the aforementioned predicaments?"_

"_You wouldn't happen to be willing to settle for a 'Reply hazy, try again later' would you?"_

"_**Duncan**__…"_


	7. Underestimated

_**Chapter 6: Underestimated**_

Disclaimer: If the amount of Duncan in this chapter does not make up for his absence in the rest of the story, GO READ ANOTHER STORY. I would recommend '_**The Art of Pretending It Isn't Your Fault**_' :)

* * *

The next thing Courtney knew, she was lying on her back on something soft and the world was bright. Annoyingly, _blindingly, _far too bright. She groaned and brought a hand to her face groggily—led by a weird impulse to check if her face was still where it should be—and shaded her eyes as she blinked them open.

"Morning, sunshine."

At the sound of that voice, Courtney sat up groggily with a groan of, "What on _earth?_"

She glanced around, quickly piecing together that she was in a hospital room with Duncan sitting on a chair near the foot of her bed. His favorite skull shirt had been replaced by a different, identically fitting black shirt, one she'd gotten him for his last birthday. It read, '_Everything I enjoy doing is either illegal, immoral, or impossible without power tools'._

"Welcome back to the Land of the Living, honey," he said, grinning smugly as Courtney groaned again, rubbing her shoulder which ached something terrible. Looking down at herself then, she noticed she was still in her gothic get-up, minus the wig. Her messy brown strands of hair fell into her face and she swatted them away in annoyance.

"Um…Duncan?" she hedged, glancing to the delinquent to try and make sense of her unusual situation. And confirm that she wasn't just imagining him there.

Duncan shrugged. "Yeah…uh, I'd get up and say 'hi' _but_…"

Lifting his hands as much as he could, Courtney could see they were handcuffed together through the metal bars of her bed railing.

She stared at them for a second, seeing no other acceptable reaction. Her day was just getting weirder and weirder. The Twilight Zone had yet to be ruled out.

"What in the name of Chris McLean _happened _to me?" Courtney asked at last. She made to rub her head again, just to be on the safe side, but stopped when she noticed she was hooked up to an IV drip.

"_Well_," her boyfriend started, grinning mischievously, "do you want me to start with the _crazy hot_ all out cat fight or wicked awesome police raid on the entire shopping mall?"

"Okay, how _about_," Courtney began with narrowed eyes, clicking the remote to adjust the bed to her new sitting position, "you start by telling me _what_ I'm doing still in this stupid Goth get-up, why I'm in a _hospital_ _bed_, which you are _handcuffed to, _incidentally, and how many people I can sue because of the afore-mentioned predicaments?"

"You wouldn't happen to be willing to settle for a 'Reply hazy, try again later' would you?" Duncan teased. He never could pass up on an opportunity to push her buttons.

"_**Duncan**__…" _Courtney warned, crossing her arms carefully. "I'm _really _not—"

She stopped when she noticed the plate of food sitting by her hospital bed.

"Oh, gross," she gagged, wrinkling up her nose._ "Hospital food"_

"Don't worry," Duncan assured her with a smirk. "I made it clear I'd rearrange some faces if there was any green jell-o in there"

Courtney was going to glance back at him but was caught by the attention of something else in the room.

"Hey, where did the flowers come from?" she asked, distracted as she admired the small but beautiful arrangement on her bedside table.

"Eh, some delivery guy dropped them off earlier," Duncan replied casually, trying to wave a hand dismissively and scowling when he couldn't because of the handcuffs. "I—_urgh!—_told him this was the wrong room and everything but the dweeb just left them"

Courtney looked back to appraise the decoration again. The story would have been much easier to believe if the arrangement didn't consist mostly of lilacs (Courtney's favorite flowers) and the vase didn't have the '_50% Off!_' price tag still attached to it.

Her heart did that whole rocket-ship thing again, though she winced slightly at the effect this time since her ribs were slightly bruised.

"_Duncan_…" she murmured, casting him a sly glance.

Catching the feminine swoon in her voice this time when she said his name, Duncan realized he'd been made and rushed to change the topic before Courtney could dwell too much on the matter and deprive him of any more of his image.

"So, uh, about the whole 'waking up in a hospital' thing," he started, trying to maneuver a casual position, "I can only tell you what I know happened…"

* * *

**Four Point Five Hours Earlier...**

"You're really something else, man," Joseph sighed as he glanced at his younger brother in the backseat of the police car. "You're seriously losing your touch."

"Or just keeping you on your toes, Seph," Duncan replied cheekily. He put up his feet on the seat next to him to relax a bit more—and disguise that he was already almost done getting out of his handcuffs. _Lucky skeleton key, don't fail me now…_

His arresting officer/older brother snorted in amusement. "Shoplifting? _That's _supposed to be a challenge?" Duncan watching identical blue eyes roll in the rearview mirror. "First you sidetrack me, now you _insult_ me—"

The final clack of the handcuff's release was drowned in static as Joseph's police radio buzzed to life and a woman's voice quickly reported a situation in code.

"Party I'm missing?" Duncan tried, smirking at Joseph's annoyed expression. He shoved the handcuffs in between the car seats but kept his hands behind his back so as not to tip off Joseph just yet.

With a flick of the sirens and a sarcastic "Ha_. Ha._ Hang on," Joseph spun the car in a perfect U-turn to screech to the stop in front of a mall he'd just barely passed. Duncan—unbuckled—barely managed to keep from eating car cushion.

"Asking you to stay put would be a waste of breath," his brother said matter-of-factly as he hopped out of the car and checked his gun. Glancing at Duncan who was glaring at him and still pretending to be handcuffed, Joseph smirked. "Just try not to get arrested again. And if you do," he went on before Duncan could reply to that, "at least make sure it's not by anyone but me."

Duncan growled a low, "_No promises._"

Joseph headed into the mall and a few more police cars pulled up. In that time, Duncan briefly considered actually _staying _in the car just to piss off Seph for assuming he'd play into some cliché. After all, he was completely capable of sitting still for a few minutes and maybe texting his girlfriend…

That lie lasted all of about 4 seconds when there was a loud crash from inside the mall followed by the furious shouts of some authority figure on a megaphone. Duncan was eagerly sprinting at doors before even the crash's echoes had time to die away.

As casually as he could, Duncan meandered over to the source of the mall mayhem and pushed through the throng of passerby's gathered (less casually) to catch a glimpse of the huge fist brawl the police were trying to control. It seemed to be centered on about a dozen Goth teens though it had clearly escalated to a few non-related parties.

Thinking of his brother somewhere in the crowd, Duncan cackled. "Glad to see this is more challenging for you, bro!"

Grinning hugely and rolling up his sleeves, he was about a breath away from diving in and joining the fight just for the hell of it when a flash of familiar green caught his eye. Because it was soaring right at him.

"Oh…hey Duncan," Trent said wearily from the floor by Duncan's feet. "Long time no…_seeuh_…"

That threw the delinquent for a loop. "Elvis? What the Hell are _you _doing here?"

"Standard…boyfriend duties," Trent mumbled. His eyes were unfocused as he sat himself up without any assistance from Duncan. "Romance, concussions, maybe some…music…"

An angry female voice interrupted Duncan's response as a tall, burly woman came at Trent yelling something in a strange language and dragged him back into the fray before Duncan could get anything more out of him.

A flash of teal caught the corner of his eye and Duncan turned just as a figure who was unmistakably Gwen jumped on top of a larger, burlesque looking girl and a girl who looked surprisingly like Leshawna tackled a skinny tattooed boy to the ground, yelling obscenities.

And then the _really_ shocking surprise caught his eye: two people moved and could see a dark skinned Goth girl swinging punches at an obscured opponent. Just then, her assailant swung as the girl ducked, knocking her wig clean off her head so that brown tresses fell over her shoulders and Duncan stared in surprise at finding his violent girlfriend involved in the squabble. Her hair was the first thing Duncan recognized.

The second was the furious looking flash of red and black hair that was heading straight towards her turned back. And the moment he recognized the girl attached to it, the blood drained completely from his face.

Duncan wasn't sure when he told his feet to move, but he suddenly found himself running towards her. She was totally unaware of the girl heading at her from behind, but he didn't think to shout. Instead, he ran full speed at her, sweeping her up around the waist and out of harm's way at the last minute.

"PUT ME DOWN!" she roared, flailing in his arms.

He made no attempt to conceal his proud smirk. "So your knight in shining armor saves the day once more, huh Prin—?"

But he didn't get to finish. Not actually paying attention to what he was doing, Duncan slipped on a mass of artificial hair that had been knocked off Courtney earlier. In the next moment, the two had slammed to the ground, the fight still raging around him.

Groaning, Duncan picked himself off the floor from beside Courtney. "Okay, so _that_ was supposed to go more smoothly. At least I still get points for getting you out of the way, right Court?"

He looked to his girlfriend beside him and saw she wasn't moving, eyes closed.

"Courtney? Princess?" Duncan tried again, shaking her slightly. She only groaned weakly as he lightly tapped her face and then didn't make any more sounds.

Duncan hissed a colorful swear, inaudible to anyone nearby under the clamor of the fight going on around them.

"Oh_ shit."_

* * *

Courtney only stared at her boyfriend in shock. "You knocked me _unconscious?"_

"Not on _purpose_!" Duncan insisted, trying to look as earnest as possible when he was handcuffed to her bedpost. "Look I went to find Seph right after and then had him drive you to the hospital as soon as he could. Which is how, four hours later, we end up here," he concluded, patting the mattress beside her leg, smiling.

The girl _in _the hospital bed was far less cheerful. "I can't _believe_ you! You got me _hospitalized? _This is going to cost a fortune in hospital bills!"

"Healthcare in Canada is free, actually…"

Courtney pretended she didn't hear him. She slammed her fists into the mattress on either side of her in frustration. "And right as we were winning the fight too! I almost had Che—!" but she cut herself off suddenly, realizing at the last moment what she was about to reveal. "I mean, uh, I almost had to chase off the cops so we could, um, finish."

"Eh, don't beat yourself up about it, babe," Duncan offered with a shrug. "Seph says the cops got everything under control in the next ten minutes so you didn't miss all that much.

"If it makes you feel any better, though," he added casually as he tossed her a knowing grin, "you made your way to TV once more, _without _the help of Chris McClean this time. Got yourself a nice spot on the evening news."

"_WHAT?" _Courtney screeched. Searching around her frantically, she found the remote to the TV and hurriedly switched on the hospital room TV.

It was already set to the news and Courtney watched in horror as the news anchor played footage of her and Chelsea wrestling from the incident earlier. The lady was recounting how a group of teenagers instigated a fight between two rival groups that soon escalated to several unrelated parties that required police to come and break it up. The caption onscreen read 'Mall Brawl'_._

The CIT stared at the film they were looping over and over again (it looked like it had been taken on a cell phone) of her wrestling on the ground with Chelsea screaming insults. The hand holding the remote started shaking as she stared, terrified and the realization started dawning on her.

All her preparing, all her precautions, all her _tactics_ to one day get into office were instantly flushed down the drain with a ten second video clip taken on a cell phone. This was all the dirt any future competitor would need to take her down, humiliate her out of running for position. _Total Drama_ was explainable but she knew full well that a spot on the evening news was never going away.

"Woah…hey, you okay honey?" asked the delinquent at her bedside. He sounded concerned, which in turn made him sound very much _not_ like Duncan.

"I…can't believe it," Courtney breathed, still staring at the TV with wide disbelieving eyes. She pulled her knees to her chest. "After everything I did to keep my record clean, after everything I worked _so _hard for, I let _this_ happen. My future…my _life_ is absolutely _ruined_. Completely _destroyed._"

Her boyfriend studied her for a moment. Then he let out a snort of laughter. And then he really _did _sound like Duncan. Courtney threw him a very Courtney glare.

"You don't need to be such a Drama Princess, Princess," he teased. His easy going tone of voice made Courtney want to smack him. "Did you _see _that video? It's such shitty quality, _I _can hardly recognize you in it. Because of that crazy get-up you have on, not even the news guys could manage to identify you."

Courtney was about to counter that it didn't mean that _no one _had managed to identify her when she looked at the video clip again, realizing that it actually never showed her face. It only showed her spikey black haired wig, boots, and the thrashing of Reaper's borrowed leather coat (which she only just noted was strewn across the back of the chair Duncan was presently sitting in).

But the video also reminded Courtney that she was still dressed and done up like a midnight hooker of the Gothic persuasion. Suddenly seized by a desire to make herself look like _herself _again, she grabbed the white bed sheets and feverishly began trying to rub off the Goth makeup on her face. "Oh god, get it off!"

Duncan, feeling the need to be a good boyfriend, reached over to the fullest extent of his confinement to grab a box of tissues that was sitting at the foot of her bed with his teeth.

"You know, I'm kinda loving this look on you," he commented lustfully as he tossed her the box and she began using that instead to rub off her Gothic makeup. Wiggling his eyebrows at her, he added, "I really hoping you didn't just rent the clothes."

Her voice was slightly muffled by the tissues she was desperately rubbing all over her face to get rid of all the traces of make-up. "_Shut up_, Duncan!" she barked at him.

Duncan grin only grew more knowing. "You first, Ms. Spine Ripper."

Courtney froze. At the same time, Duncan relaxed back into his seat, parallel to Courtney and began testing the strength of the handcuffs against his bed railing, leisurely talking as he did.

"I mean, when a hacking chick I haven't spoken to in, oh, something like a _year and a half_ gets a hold of me while I'm online to rant about my girlfriend whom she's never met…_yeah_, a few red flags come up. And sure, a handful of cryptic phone calls from some Madame Hawkenthorne about my future love life might freak the heck out of some _lesser_ guys. Hell, even the box of frozen _tacos_ coming through the mail with a note written on it in Spanish gibberish detailing some sort of _top secret deal_ between a Mexican cowboy and Canadian ambassador that matches your description can be considered an address mix-up. But when your current girlfriend and most recent ex-girlfriend are going at it in a wild and crazy catfight that needs _riot control _to break it up…_that's_ really when everything clicks."

From her bed, Courtney popped her mouth open quickly, a zillion explanations springing to mind to rationalize the situation.

Duncan never gave her the chance. Smirking, he informed her, "I may have failed Math the last couple of years but I think the basic 2 and 2 still equals 4, babe."

Courtney sighed heavily, slumping against the risen portion of her hospital bed in reluctant defeat. She'd been caught red-handed. Staring at the ceiling, she blew out a breath and asked resignedly, "So on a scale of 1 to 10, how pissed are you?"

"Um, if by '_pissed'_ you mean '_incredibly turned on'_, I'm like at a 23."

Snapping her head back up, Courtney stared at her boyfriend in surprise. "You're…not mad?"

Her boyfriend raised a humored brow. "Should I be?"

"_YES_!" she yelled as she glared at her boyfriend indignantly. Grabbing the very bed rails he was handcuffed to, Courtney leaned over some to better yell at him. "I went through your e-mail to get the names and info of the girls who'd spammed your inbox with their preposterous delusions of dating you again!" she ranted at him. "I stalked them and challenged them to stupid battles on their own turf to make it as clear to them as a human being has perception to understand that they were not, under _any _circumstances, to attempt to reestablish a relationship with you as long as we were together! I used my lawyer to get into confidential police information! I actually _attended a_ stupid college party! _I asked freaking HAROLD for help for goodness sakes! _

"And then I risked my entire career duking it out on the evening news with the most _charming_ of your exes," she went on sarcastically, "despite the fact I wasn't even sure I wanted to _pursue_ a relationship with you after the disaster that was _Total Drama Action_! Even after all of this, I find it a miracle we made it two _seasons_, let alone two commercial brea—!"

But she stopped right there, grip going slack around the railing, when she realized exactly what she was saying. Just as suddenly, something clicked in her mind regarding the unsettling familiarity she saw in Chelsea Dagger.

"She's me," she breathed unexpectedly, greatly confusing the handcuffed Duncan. "Chelsea Dagger…she's just like me. We both think the same way and the way she spoke and both of us and…and _you…_" she trailed off as everything seemed to make sense to her just then.

"Courtney, I know I talk a lot of shit, but believe me when I tell you that you're _nothing _like Chelsea," Duncan said firmly, completely serious for the first time in their entire conversation.

Not convinced and still spooked by the realization, Courtney sent him a sour glare, challenging, "How can you be so _sure_?"

"Well, I haven't dumped _you, _have I?"

"_Not _reassuring," Courtney glowered. "_AT ALL."_

Duncan shrugged, admitting, "Okay, so yeah, you both have things in common like microscopic fuses and Honor Roll shit like that—"

"She's got good _academics_?" his girlfriend interrupted, looking startled. "What? _How_?"

"Not the point, Princess. I'm saying—"

"Who cares if it's not the point?" she insisted, throwing her hands up. "How can someone be so _obscenely_ dressed with the personality of an irritated cougar and still manage to make honor roll? She's literally got a chip on her shoulder the size of Chris McClean's _ego_ and still she—!"

"She goes to some swanky arts school!" Duncan snapped loudly, glaring. "Flow of conversation was going _this _way."

Courtney scowled at him but reluctantly shut up as a nurse passed by the open hospital room door going down the hall.

"I was saying," Duncan continued, voice lower now, "Chelsea may be _like _you but she _isn't _you, kay? For one thing," he managed an earnest looking smile, "she never drove me _nearly _as crazy as you do on a regular basis."

Crossing her arms and still looking unconvinced, Courtney deadpanned, "And the reason you're dating me has _nothing_ to do with the fact that I have similar, distinctive personality traits to your last ex-girlfriend? Because _Chelsea_ sure seems to think so."

Instead of jumping at the challenge like a _normal _human being would have done, Duncan just snickered, relaxing back into his most definitely _not _comfortable position once more. "Yeah, well _Danielle_ has the ability to hold superhumanly long grudges."

She couldn't resist the smirk that flickered up at the corners of her lips at the name, her boyfriend's reassurance more comforting than he could ever know. _Ever. _"You totally need to tell Gwen and her friends about that," Courtney instructed him matter-of-factly. "I'm sure they could put it to good use getting Chelsea and her boys off their backs."

As if the thought just occurred to her, she leaned forward once more to look out the hospital door. "Speaking of which, did Gwen and Co. stick around?"

"Nah, they swung by while you were still out. Then they had to run over to the Bulgarian Embassy to deal with the whole bodyguard thing," Duncan explained. He chuckled at the memory of the story they'd shared with him regarding why Trent was handcuffed and forcefully carried away from Gwen and Leshawna as the group waited in the waiting room to check on Courtney.

Courtney was about to relax back into her seat when someone stepped into her visible viewpoint through the open door. She recognized one of Duncan's brothers, Joseph, the police officer, and then the other one showed up at his other side, Kevin, dressed as a Royal Canadian Mounty. Both were leaning up against the nurse's desk located just outside her room, blatantly flirting with the staff and receptionist as the women tried to work.

Wryly, the CIT realized where Duncan's example had come from.

Turning back to her delinquent boyfriend, Courtney searched his pierced face as she asked once more, just to be sure, "Really, you're not mad about the 'stalk your ex-girlfriends' thing?"

"Nope," he answered decidedly, grinning hugely. "Honestly, I'm just surprised it took so long. I finished with all of _your _stalker ex's _weeks_ ago."

He watched her complexion pale again at his words, probably wondering if he was bluffing or not. Courtney imagined he was just messing with her. At least…she sincerely _hoped_ so.

"You know," Duncan continued, tapping the finger of a handcuffed hand to his lips in though, "I actually think that one Josh guy may _still_ be in this very hospital. Intensive Care is the third floor right? I'll have to check."

Impeded by handcuffs, he barely caught her hand as she frantically reached for the phone attached to his side of the railing.

"I need to call my parents!" she demanded, soothed only slightly by the touch of his hands.

"Relax, hon. Your parents are here already. In the lobby," Duncan swallowed nervously. "…talking to _my _parents."

Courtney swallowed hard as well. "_Really_?"

He shrugged again, distractedly rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "Why do you think I don't mind being in a hospital room handcuffed to a railing instead of out _there_?"

She rolled her eyes, torn between demanding that he let go of her hand so she could call Intensive Care and finding some other topic to discuss/argue about so he could go on holding her hand like he was doing. Courtney didn't get a chance to do either, however, as Kevin and Joseph stepped into the room, looking for too cheerful for a pair of law enforcement officers in a hospital.

"Sorry to interrupt your lover's tryst here, Courtney," Kevin apologized as he tucked a small slip of paper into his shirt pocket, "but we need to take this felon here down to the station for booking and paperwork. _Even_ _though_ mom already paid his bail."

"_Seriously_?" Courtney and Duncan asked at the same time, both sounding annoyed.

"Standard procedure," Joseph explained, sighing as he came around to his youngest brother's side of the bed. Duncan reluctantly had to let go of Courtney's hand as Joseph grabbed it to open the handcuff. "Crime never pays, bro."

Groaning exaggeratedly, Duncan got to his feet so Joseph could uncuff him faster. Kevin wasn't even paying attention, waving at a blushing nurse passing by behind him.

As his brother undid his handcuffs, Duncan winked at Courtney who had flopped back against her lifted mattress, looking miffed (and still quite disheveled).

"Well, got to go. Pay for my sins and all that," he announced, feigning innocence. "Love you, Princess."

Courtney rolled her eyes and didn't look at him when she replied with a sigh, "Love you _too_, mongrel."

Duncan gave her a once-over, as if in surprise, before breaking out into a big grin. Courtney realized it was the first time she's ever said that. The 'L' word, out loud, and actually _meant _it.

But before the blood could even finish pooling in her cheeks, Duncan did an evasive move so quickly her eye missed it and ducked out of the handcuffs his brother had been re-doing behind his back. Leaping over her hospital bed in a single bound, he bolted past a startled Kevin and out the door hollering behind him, "TRY AND CATCH ME NOW, ASSHATS!"

Joseph swore aloud (something else Courtney realized her boyfriend had picked up), dropping his handcuff key as Kevin spun on his heel and ran out after his brother, giving chase.

"Nice seeing you again, Courtney!" Joseph called over his shoulder as he bolted out of the room after the two as the nurses up and down the hallway stared on in confusion and amusement.

The CIT sighed, seeing as there was nothing else she found she could do until a doctor or nurse came in. She rubbed her eyes wearily, muttering something about genetic capacity for idiocy, and was about to reach over to pick up the phone again when a flash of red in doorway caught her eye. The last flash of red she ever wanted to see again.

Chelsea was leaning there casually. She was also scratched up, probably as much as Courtney was, and was analyzing the bedridden girl through a blooming black eye. She was sucking on a hospital issue lollipop like she had nothing else better to do.

Unable to resist a perfectly lined jab, Courtney smirked haughtily. "Gee, you look like someone beat the _crap_ out of you."

With the swollen eye, it was hard to tell if Chelsea was glaring or not, but she mimicked Courtney's tone when she replied, "Wow, well you look like the bastard child of Marilyn Manson and _Marilyn_."

Courtney scowled at how easily she'd been shot down and flexed the muscles in her legs to see if they'd agree to holding her up long enough to get over to the girl in the doorway and strangle her. But, thinking back to her conversation with Duncan, she surprised even herself by changing her mind.

Picking a fight with Chelsea, at least now, would only serve to drive home that haunting idea that the two were way more alike than Duncan seemed willing to acknowledge. So instead, Courtney reverted back to her formalities. This time, however, she had Duncan's earlier conviction to support her words.

"Look, Chelsea," she began, altering her tone of voice and sitting up some more. "I think we might have…_overreacted_ to the situation at the mall. I mean, you had it _coming_ but still," she muttered, unable to help herself, before going on. "We are both capable, _intelligent_ women and I think we can both see that there are plenty of ways to handle our situation differently."

Chelsea smirked. "I agree."

"Not that we—wait_, _what?" Courtney stopped herself, surprised by the unexpected agreement.

"I handled the situation…_incorrectly,_" Chelsea agreed, tossing out her finished lollipop stick to the floor._ "_I _underestimated_ you. But don't worry your pretty head about it; I'll just keep that in mind for next time."

Courtney stared at her in disbelief. Her temper started to blaze back to life inside her as she spat, "You can't _seriously_ be still trying to get back with Duncan after all of this! I really thought you were competent enough to know when something was over_, Danielle!_"

But unlike Bella had reacted to the mention of her real name, Chelsea barely flinched. If anything it looked like she was smirking wider.

"Princess, princess, _princess_. It stopped being about Duncan _quite _some time ago," she explained condescendingly as she '_tsk'ed_. "This _special _friendship we have now—is one _hundred_ percent personal."

Then, shooting Courtney a challenging look from the corner of her eye as she spun on her combat boots to leave in a sashay of red and black hair, the girl known only as Chelsea Dagger added ominously, "And this isn't over, sweetheart. _Not by the longest shot in the world."_

Once Chelsea was gone, Courtney huffed in annoyance and groaned aloud. She could feel another migraine coming on and was silently grateful she was in a hospital because she was pretty sure the scale of this headache wasn't going to be fixed with a few pills. Then she reached for the phone.

"Operator? Yes, hello, could you patch me through to the Intensive Care Unit? I need to check on the status of a patient. That is, I need to make sure a boy there hasn't been severely beaten to the point that someone else's _boyfriend _will need to be permanently _mutilated_."

There was a pause.

"…_NO_ I will not _HOLD!_"

**END**

* * *

A/N: So there's good and bad news.

The bad news is that with this chapter, I officially complete my first Total Drama story here on fanfiction. :( It was a blast to write and I appreciate each and every one of the reviews I've gotten for it. If it wasn't for this story, there would be no '_**The Art of Pretending It Isn't Your Fault'**_ as the inspiration came from Bella Arthur's chapter. If you haven't already, go read it over on **Contemperina's **page. You will not be disappointed. But sadly, this is the end of the awesome, fun, fantastic ride that has been CvW.

The good news comes in one word: _SEEEEEEQUEEEEEEL._ :)

That's right! You haven't seen the last of Death by Hacking, Leona Janessa, Bella Arthur/El Salvador, or the Infamous Chelsea Dagger and her boys! I've had the idea for a sequel since the summer when I posted my 'Playa de DRAMA' drawing over on deviantart and I think I know just how and when I'll do it. It will have to be after TAOP wraps up since the setting will be similar and I don't like having two similar stories running at the same time because I will get confused beyond functionality. *keels over*

It'll be called '_**Courtney vs. The Universe'**_ to keep in line with the _Scott Pilgrim _theme of the story (if you haven't seen this movie yet, GO DO IT RIGHT NOW). It'll bring back all four evil exes (and maybe include a few more…?), the entire TDI cast (and maybe ANOTHER FreshTV cast...?), and Gwen's Goth Crew of Pixie Corpse, Reaper, and Marilyn. I really grew fond working with Gwen's friends and people seemed to love their characterizations so they will definitely be back.

* * *

And so to bid you farewell and fair sailing until I pit Courtney against more cosmic forces, I would like so send shout outs to both **cococheese **and **guitarNrd362** over on deviantart for their awesome CvW fanart! _YOU GUYS ROCK!_

**Cococheese **did Ms. Chelsea Dagger and her boys, Yoko and R.E.M. (you'll see more of the boys in CvU too) which you can see here (without spaces): **http :/ / cococheese. deviantart. com/ art/ Dagger-and-the-boys-182073195  
GuitarNrd362 **did a scene from this chapter of Duncan waiting for Courtney to wake up while handcuffed to her hospital bed: (again, wihtout spaces) **http :/ / guitarnrd362. deviantart. com/ art/ RQ-Courtney-vs-the-World-190414469**

Wishing you the greatest!  
_-stray_


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